Keeping the Path

With all of my complains about my marriage, why am I still in it? Is the investment really worth it?

Essentially, I'm still here because of my children. Is that a great reason to remain in an unsatisfactory relationship? I'm not sure, but it is the choice I'm making each day.

I don't know if I would be happier with or without a spouse. I often think I would be, but would I prefer to work 40+ hours a week, struggle to pay bills and child care expenses, cook, clean, and do laundry? Would I be any happier knowing I have to deliver my children to someone else, even if it is their father, and not see them for several days at a time? Would I prefer to never have another adult to talk to or always be the one to send a kid back to bed at one in the morning? Although I feel "on my own" much of the time as a parent anyway, do I want to make it official?

And what about the toll it would take on my children? How would they handle having to split their time between parents? Or having to go to daycare instead of hanging out at home on a Tuesday morning?

Another one of my obstacles is the idea that I would be saying I will not have any more children. I know, the idea of bringing another child into a mediocre-at-best marriage may not be ideal either, but I know for a fact that my purpose is to raise my children the best that I can. The two monkeys are wonderful, but am I really ready to be finished?

I have no notions of "growing old together" or "happily ever after." They are lovely sentiments, but usually not that practical. So, there are sacrifices I'm willing to make in order to provide the absolute best for my children. Happiness may not be the pinnacle of a successful life. Maybe the satisfaction that I did the best I could and raised intelligent, responsible, respectful, successful men will be the highlight of my lifetime.